To me, this would be the entire point of writing in verse! As I mentioned earlier, while your prose writing is impeccable, either your verse writing is still developing, or my ear hasn't yet grasped your rhythms. But that one seems already well on the way!
I like this one! You seem to be paying more attention to rhythm and letting it support the ideas rather than the other way around.
that may be so/not intentionally though
To me, this would be the entire point of writing in verse! As I mentioned earlier, while your prose writing is impeccable, either your verse writing is still developing, or my ear hasn't yet grasped your rhythms. But that one seems already well on the way!